Healing Childhood Trauma: Why Questioning Our Upbringing Matters
In most cultures, especially here in the Indian subcontinent, parents are given a place next to God. They have brought us into this world, and given us everything that we have. And questioning our upbringing, even to ourselves, is considered as sacrilege. But, is it sacrilege to question them?
Granted that they gave us life, provided for us, and shaped the people we are today. But most of us are averse to questioning childhood experiences, childhood patterns and relationships. But, this is where the journey of healing childhood trauma truly begins.
Whenever I sit with a client and ask them about their childhood patterns and relationship with their parents, unless the client has started questioning themselves in earnest, the answers are often surface-level:
“It was good.”
or at best, “It was okay.”
The energies (or body language if you will) and their eyes, however, give a more honest answer and tell a different story.
Why questioning childhood experiences is essential?
In both psychology and the healing community, it’s well understood that almost all our behavioral issues, complexes and sometimes even physical health conditions stem from our childhood. Be it self-blame, detachment, people-pleasing, lack of trust, codependency or any other behavioral pattern, have their roots in our childhood patterns and relationships dynamics.
And yet, mention the phrase “childhood trauma”, and many people close up, like a clam protecting its fragile pearl!
The truth is, questioning our upbringing isn’t about blame. It’s not about pointing fingers or feeling guilty. It’s about gently analyzing what really happened — and what story the child in us created to cope. When you can see the difference between what actually happened and what your younger self believed, real healing begins. Questioning childhood experiences is actually therapeutic!
How Questioning Our upbringing Heals Relationships?
It may seem that by questioning our upbringing we are questioning our whole existence or at best, the belief that the patterns of life are due to ‘that’ person (A teacher, A friend or an Ex etc.). But no one is asking you to blame anyone; all you are doing is analyzing what really happened and what story you as a child created. When you are able to differentiate between these two, you start healing.
And what’s truly beautiful is that once you start down this path, all your relationships – with your spouse, children, parents, siblings, in-laws, even colleagues, begin to shift. Because at its heart, this work is about understanding yourself better and creating healthier patterns for your future.
Questioning our upbringing does not diminish the love and respect we have for our parents. In fact, it often deepens and sweetens it, because it frees us from unspoken pain and misunderstandings. So, be honest to yourself and question it.
Let’s Start the Conversation
It’s time to break the silence.
Your relationship with your parents and your childhood shaped so much of who you are today. This isn’t about blame or guilt or about forgiving the parents. it’s about understanding, healing, and growing into your fullest self.
If you’re curious to explore this further or want to talk about your own experiences, I’m here to listen. Let’s talk freely, without any judgement and start the journey towards deeper understanding and growth together.
Let’s talk. Let’s heal. Together.
Recommended Reading 📚
If this post resonated with you and you’d like to go deeper, here are some heartfelt books I recommend — they beautifully explore the impact of childhood experiences and the journey of emotional healing.
It Didn’t Start with You — Mark Wolynn
Healing the Child Within — Charles L. Whitfield
The Drama of the Gifted Child — Alice Miller
Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect — Jonice Webb
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents — Lindsay C. Gibson
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